No, The Walking Dead hasn’t started yet– (October 13, mark your calendars, nerdists!). And this zombie-looking leg isn’t based on any horror movie. No sir, this Matt Groening looking leg – is mine! Turn back time to Sunday, August 19th… it was dark and raining, a storm was brewing. The road was slick and the brakes on that old, rusty 18 wheeler racing along the highway were out of control…
Okay, actually it was a beautiful sunny day and I was playing doubles tennis. Two hours of vigorous tennis, mind you! And my right calf snaps like a stick of celery. Torn calf muscle! Stumbling back to the bench like a drunk hobbit, I come to a horrible realization– no dinner macabre’s for a while! The nightmare envelopes me like the smell of a dead skunk. I had things planned- more sharks that night for shark week: Tostadas and pumpkin-shark rolls– it was all going to be great! But now I’d be off my feet for at least a week and my dreams of creative mediocrity were slipping away like all my tennis leads that day. Yet I could not give up. I strived to turn this negative into a positive like any wanna-be hero would. I searched deep inside, and hours later (and several glasses of wine)- it all came to me. I’m my own next meal! Sick, I know. But rather than create a shark out of a pumpkin roll, I decided to create my bruised leg instead. And wha-la! The Leg Roll was born. Not my best work but I was hobbling around on one leg, remember. And besides, I don’t like baking. Seriously, I really don’t- can’t you tell? I think it’s all the sugar and butter and yummy fat ingredients that frightens me off. How does that saying go? Never show how the hot dog is put together. Same thing goes with desserts. I’m convinced that if everyone baked their own dessert they’d eat less of it. Ignorance isn’t always bliss but give me a chocolate mouse cheesecake and I’m in fat heaven. Just don’t tell me about the eggs, the sugar, the bittersweet chocolate and, well, you get the idea. But something tells me that this website is going to make me face my own fears, I just know it.
INGREDIENTS: Also known as a jelly roll, you will need: 1/2 cup flour, baking powder, 4 eggs, vanilla, brown sugar, canned pumpkin, cream cheese, whipping cream, nutmeg, cinnamon, and powdered sugar.
Mix the flour, baking powder, eggs, vanilla, brown sugar and pumpkin together to form the cake. Bake the pumpkin cake on 350 degrees for 25-35 minutes or until it forms a bouncy texture. Place the cake on a towel laced with powdered sugar. Let it cool for a few minutes, and then roll it carefully. If you’re as clumsy as me, the cake will be too thick and brittle and crack like my calf. Then you unroll it- praying to the gods it doesn’t fall apart (mine did, naturally). Then you spread the cream onto it (whipping cream, nutmeg, cream cheese), and roll it back up! I then shaped it like my foot and smathered it with cream to cover all the cracks. Why the blue you ask? Have you not seen my lovely leg? The blood from the torn calf- which bleeds internally- pools into the skin and and causes bruising. Looks like this for you nosy fans. Not as bad as the leg roll. But one thing about this tasty treat– it’s delicious! If you can get past the “ick” factor, my few fans- you are in for a bouquet of palate heavenliness! Pumpkin and cake rolls are good for shaping into all sorts of themes and I’m sure we might see this one again sometime. Keep it in mind for your next horror party, and let me know what horrific shapes your twisted minds devise.