Orb-Weaver’s Pizza

This is one of those experiments that was perfectly photogenic from every angle– unlike me.  What’s an orb-weaver, you ask? Allow me to explain from my vast knowledge of the arthropods (I actually just looked this up). The orb-weaver is the most common class of spiders found in typical gardens and are responsible for creating the popular “wheel-shaped” webs that you often see.  And that starts us off with the basic Mozzarella cheese webbing:

For the sauce, I prefer using a basil blend of tomato paste and herbs. After that, it’s carving and shaping of “stuffing” mushrooms. For the legs, I used a portabello mushroom.

Interestingly, the olives (for the head of the spider) helped create a “face” on this pizza.  I call it pizza-face, or how-I-look-after-a-bag-of-doritos.

Once complete, spread on a little cheese- my specialty. Obviously any form of mozzarella works. But if you’re at all adventurous, I recommend trying a tuber-based vegan cheese, such as Daiya. Whole foods has a brand of their own that they are perfecting. It doesn’t try to imitate a dairy cheese but rather creates a unique flavor that is deliciously creamy.  My girlfriend and I fell in love with this the first time we tried it.

Bake AT 400 degrees for roughly 22 minutes, depending on how thick your crust is. Nowadays when I order out, it’s typically thin crust to help combat my fat gut. But at home I can perfect my own thick, delicious and moderately healthy crust.  As if you care…

PIZZA-FACE!  Not planned at all, just one of those occasional happy-accidents. I consider this to be the ultimate macabre pizza serving two horrific images.

MOVIE ENTERTAINMENT:  Earth V Spider and Horrors of Spider Island— both MST3K versions.  If you’re not familiar with Mystery Science 3000 well, then, you’re simply not a nerd and that geek card is now revoked.  But more importantly, you’ve been missing out on a decade of great creativity and humor. Shame on you! But lucky for us all you can view many episodes on YouTube. Now go crawl away and watch!

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